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Posts tagged ‘childhood’

My Life in a Blur

So, last week I read on Facebook that my childhood friend Carroll was still fighting the brain cancer. It seems the tumors continue to grow. I’ve had many reactions to this. One, I am not ready to lose my friend. Second, I wish that she would do more to get healthy. I gave her the healthy chocolate, which I still encourage her to take. I also wish that she would start eating more organic. However, the other side realizes how expensive that can be, as I am trying to feed a family of four on organic and grass fed meat. Then driving to work one day after visiting with her, I slipped into a fog. I thought of all the things we did together as kids. I was grateful for getting to know her. I remember her telling me that when the family I was staying with, the Langfords, moved to Sweden that I could stay with them and her mom would watch me after school. And, Bitsy did. This family was so amazing. They did more than provide a place for me to stay and have a snack after school or maybe get a little help with homework. They taught me how to hug. I know this sounds weird but they would hug me every morning and before I left. Bitsy and Carroll give the best hugs. This coming from a child who was seriously tactile defensive made me tense and afraid. My family wasn’t a group of huggers, except Fat Aunt Mary. I remember one morning in the living room with the avocado green carpet below my feet that was scratchy to the touch if you were stuck sitting on it because both couches were full. It was this morning that Bitsy gave me a hug until I hugged back and I remember the tightness of the squeeze. At first it was taking my breath away and then I started to relax as the endorphins from the proprioceptive input. I finally relaxed and learned to hug back. There are many other fond memories I have of Carroll. One of them is spending the night with her and sitting on the porch watching the rain. I also loved summer mornings when dad would drop me off. I ran from the car to the porch so fast, hoping that the evil cat, Pepper, wouldn’t attack my legs, which happened frequently. Also, enough to send my nervous system into fight or flight….usually flight prevailed. But, once past the point of doom of the bushes next to the house, I would go inside and then find Carroll still sleeping downstairs in the room she shared with a very little brother, Hank. He was usually up, and I would curl up on his bed and snooze with Carroll. As we got older, we still kept in touch. I made sure to see the family when I would come home for a visit from wherever I was living. Before I moved, Carroll and I had a good bonding moment or two….. One was right before I moved, she and I went on a trip to New Mexico. We blew a few tires on the way but she still helped me with the apartment hunting. She and I also had a wonderful trip to Tsankowi for hiking. We stayed with her aunt Carroll and got to spend time with Popasida, her dad’s dad. I really enjoyed this time with her. Then for my birthday before I moved, she took good care of me the night of and the next day when we had been out having a rather fun time! She was my alibi since I left work early and couldn’t go home to face my parents. She made me a grilled cheese and soup. Carroll is still an amazing friend. Even in her position, I know if I needed anything she would do it for me. I hope she feels the same.