it’s been almost 14 years since we’ve been married. Together 2 years before that. I just don’t know if I can’t anymore. I truly meant it when I said “I do.” I also meant it last month in counseling when asked if j could look at things differently, try and bite my tongue and see what he is trying to teach me. But, then there was today…..my tongue was sharp and he was quick to spew his hate for my father. I don’t understand why he can’t look at it like a blessing. He seems to blame everyone but himself. He is told the same thing over and over….listen to your wife and not all the other chatter going on but not today. He seethes with hatred. And the worst is the kid…..she shouldn’t have to deal with this. Why not just leave? How did things get complicated?
I’m tired of trying the positive approach. I’m tired of trying to be grateful….for someone who I see him as thinking the world owes him for the shitty life he had and the fuck up his family was.
I’m not sure where my head is. I think it’s time to let more physical things go and focus on me, which I thought I was doing but I guess not. Maybe I’m just existing. Maybe those lines between here and there are just that….time
Maybe in time he’ll find his way. I’m asking my angels to help me find mine. This may mean we don’t exist together. And that makes me sad……