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Posts tagged ‘suicide’

Sounds, sounds, sounds……

It’s funny how a sound can induce all kinds of emotions. It seems these “sounds” have been a lot louder lately. I’ve been on a little journey lately that has taken me to some interesting spaces. I first encountered this a few weeks ago when dad’s friend past away. I swear for about a week afterwards I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that some of his presence was all around…not even him as a whole person. I don’t know if this had to do with the suicide or where he was on his spiritual journey when he died. I do know that I am beyond thankful for the prayer circle I had with Dr. Rachael to help send him on his way. And, yes he has not been back to bother me lately. But, I did open some door. Not sure to where. I know during our prayer, I left for a bit into a tunnel that felt like a tunnel of light running parallel to this world. This door opened a path for others. Here come the sounds. Something I am not used to at all. I can handle seeing. I don’t want to be touched. Sounds are new for me and I have to say I was startled. The only person that has spoken to me is my mom but not since the night she died. It was not threatening or seemed harmful with it’s deep “hello.” But, I pulled out the prayer and said it again (a few times just to make sure) and have been sound free ever since.

Then there’s a time you wish you could hear certain sounds……

Yesterday was 10 years that my mom has been gone. I miss hearing her voice and her laugh. I know every once in a while I hear it whispered in my ear, as if the wind is blowing her spirit by me quickly just to have that moment of peace. I know for certain that she was around yesterday. It seems the “spirit voices” have been making themselves known in new ways. However, yesterday there was something very familiar with the sound that gently sang out from the speakers in the large room. All of a sudden sitting at lunch, I hear the quiet deep voice of Judy Garland singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” I knew it was my mom’s little way of saying, “Hey, I’m still here with you, especially today.” I knew instantly she was around. It was funny that I thought to myself how she didn’t have a TV to turn on for me like she’s done before. The room grew colder and there was a sense of peace. I know this is her way. She loves Judy Garland and I hope that she has had many opportunity to sing and dance with her. I am so blessed that she has graced me with her presence more than a few times these past 10 years. I hope that I will always continue to feel her when I need her.